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By: Abdullah Al-Sultani

The Addiction of Progress and Why Sometimes I Curse the Ambition

Introduction

“There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.”

Oscar Wilde

I have accomplished a lot in the last couple of months, which took months of hard work and effort. In a meeting with my manager, he delivered the good news of my promotion—a goal I had long pursued. Yet, the feeling of achievement faded as quickly as I returned to my desk. After that, I thought about the next big thing. What do I need to set in my OKRs to achieve the next promotion? It perplexed me that I didn’t even feel it was a big deal.

Additionally, I can’t stop thinking about the books I want to finish. As the list grows, my anxiety increases about finishing them all. Last week, it hit me like a ton of bricks: I realized that I am a self-improvement junkie!

Reflecting on my continuous drive for achievement, I often feel like Sisyphus and his rock in the myth. Each goal I meet is swiftly replaced by another, pushing me into an endless cycle of striving. No sooner do I reach the summit with one ambition than it rolls back down, compelling me to start over. Much like Sisyphus’s eternal punishment, this relentless pursuit tests my resolve and ability to find meaning in the journey itself.

Have you had a similar feeling before? The things you have right now were dreams one day. Or are you on a never-ending performance test?

The Allure of Ambition

Don’t get me wrong. My ambitions since high school have led to numerous achievements. I traveled around the world. I started working in a tech giant, I left the country, and finally, I got sponsored by the UK government as part of the global talent visa. These things were long-term goals for me. I worked hard to get them, but nothing was ever handed to me. I had to snatch them from the jaws of lions. However, after reaching all of them, I always feel a little bit of dissatisfaction. How come? Well, it is the addiction of progress.

The Addiction to Progress

Here is my definition of progress addiction:

The continuous search for things that could be improved for the right or wrong reasons until general dissatisfaction is reached.

The symptoms of this disease:

  • Setting a point where life begins, e.g., I will start living after making more than 100k.

  • Nothing feels enough. For example, although I have built 10 pounds of muscle in the last eight months, I need more.

  • You feel guilty about how you spend your time. For example, I regretted wasting 10 minutes on a funny YouTube video when I could have been learning about crypto.

  • Forget the great things that you have: family, friends, career, or, the most forgotten one, health!

  • Finally, a constant thinking about the future. What is next?

There is one more thing that must be addressed here. Guess what? You got it right. It is social media. In the digital age, whenever you open your phone, you might see a bald guy yelling, ‘What color is your Bugatti?’ This is hardly gentle on your mental health. Since we are shifting to live in a fully capitalist society where materialism thrives, your self-worth will be chained to the number of zeros (on the right side, duh) in your bank account. In the old days, you were either a peasant or a lord, and you couldn’t simply work your way up from a peasant to a lord. You had to be content with what you had, but this is not the case anymore. You feel that you can make it. That is why there are so many get-rich-quick scams all over the internet. You get a stream of slaps that you are inadequate with every scroll.

Furthermore, it is not real. What you see in the story highlights is not the everyday life of this person. So, comparing your daily life to someone else’s reel is like comparing oranges to apples. A Potemkin village, that is what you see.

I was a victim of this for a while, to be honest. I got suggestions from a workout influencer, even though I don’t follow them. It was the beginning of my workout journey, and I had unrealistic expectations for the gains that I should make. I felt that I was late all the time and that I was overloaded with catching up. I was hitting the gym even if I was injured, which exacerbated my trapped nerve injury. Then, after a lot of research, I found out that most of these people were taking Steroids, editing their photos, not drinking water for a whole day before shooting, and using special lighting.

The Dark Side of Ambition

Everyone must have a healthy dose of ambition. However, when ambition starts dragging you down with stress, burnout, and loss of self, it should be addressed and cured as soon as possible before it opens Pandora’s box of mental health issues, especially if your ambition steals the joy of the present for a promised future that might never arrive. While I was binging self-help books and videos, for whatever reason, I found a study posted in 2016 that showed that people who read self-help books have higher stress hormone levels (cortisol). Even though it is a cause or a result, it is an indicator.

Now, to the part where I curse the ambition, being who I am where I live next to my fears, subdue obstacles, and overcome challenges. Sometimes, I find myself feeling the need to achieve more just for the sake of achieving more. I can’t put a rest since the best never-rest mindset is deeply embedded in my mind. Therefore, it dragged me down to dark places many times in my life.

Striking a Balance

So, what is the solution? Like many things in life, the solution is balance. When you realize your ambition has become harmful, you must stop for a second and self-reflect. Self-awareness is an essential part of this. From now on, I will set realistic goals for things that can be measured and embrace the imperfection of whatever I am working on. If it is related to work, hobbies, reading, writing, etc, I will accept it as it is.

“Done is better than perfect. Because perfect is never done.”

Sheryl Sandberg

Furthermore, I will be more gentle to myself. I will keep high standards for myself to excel in the things I do. Find the right balance for yourself, and remember you don’t need to prove anything to anyone, not even yourself.

Reclaiming Contentment in the Present

Something I learned from the latest book I was reading (Meditations by Marcus Aurelius) is gratitude. I learned to have a timeless and time-invariant stoic mindset. I learned to enjoy the journey more than the destination. We should live in the moment and not put conditions on our happiness and well-being. We must learn to separate self-worth from external validation and its tidiness to achievements. It is essential to recognize that wealth comes in different forms. A good friendship, health, and family are more important than medals, titles, and certificates. It sounds cliche, but these are just words, and actions are much harder to practice in real life.

Conclusion

In conclusion, ambition is a double-edged sword. To wield it effectively, one must balance it with contentment. While it could help us reach the top of the mountains, it also risks binding our self-worth to external sources. My last words will be:

“Visit rich areas to refuel ambition and poor areas to refuel gratitude.”

Someone on Twitter